Spiritual Experiences

Mispronouncing words would disrespect Jehovah -- I might incur His wrath. I worried about the subsequent scrutiny from an elder in front of the congregation. As I read my words became distorted and distant -- my consciousness levitated above me. I knew people could disassociate from Jehovah's organization -- I didn't know you could disassociate from yourself. Confirmation bias and my mother's promise that Jehovah would send an angel to give me His holy spirit were "faith-strengthening." I had my first "spiritual experience" when I was seven.

A kingdom melody was sung by a bethelite before my father's funeral. Hearing that song always flooded me with emotion. I would tremble, cry, and I believed that Jehovah was letting me know He cared -- that he hadn't forgotten about my dad.

I always settled for jobs where I could barely pay my bills, I could never pay off my debt, or move away from my mother for very long but I had time for meetings and service. I would apply to multiple jobs and thank Jehovah when someone finally hired me.

I believe it was in 2014 when I attended an international convention of Jehovah's Witnesses. We rode buses from our Kingdom Hall to the convention. One day we were waiting to leave and apostates were picketing. A brother began singing a kingdom melody, then I did, then others and we drowned out the apostates. I would have sworn to you that an angel was among us.

When I would preach to people I would tell them that I had experienced things in my life that had proven to me that I was in the "truth." I no longer believe Jehovah's Witnesses are the "truth."

I experienced something similar when I saw Puscifer, A Perfect Circle, and Primus. I had this giant grin on my face as I waited for the show to start. I began crying when they played their first song. When A Perfect Circle played "Judith" I sang along with the crowd, the music rattled the concrete beneath me, and then a wall of sound hit me from the entire crowd. It was powerful, it was connection, and it was what I felt outside of that international convention.

I'm not saying that I think all spiritual experiences are fake. I don't find them to be a compelling argument and I don't see them as being a path to truth.