Breaking Generational Trauma

My boy was dropped off in a shirt with a peace sign on it. Suddenly I remembered asking for a peace symbol necklace in the 90s. My mother told me it was wrong to wear one because, "Man cannot bring peace -- only Jehovah can!" We were no part of the world and Jehovah would become sad if I didn't uphold His standards. I knew my son didn't have to attend church three times a week, clean a church in dress clothes, or go door-to-door witnessing but I didn't realize how free he was until I saw that shirt.

Nobody is telling him that he is "a good-for-nothing" slave, he doesn't worry about making God sad, he can like the things he likes without being told it's sinful.

He is a reflection of me, he looks just like I did as a boy. When I was a Jehovah's Witness I wasn't a good father -- partly because I was usually drunk. I don't think you can love a child if you're willing to cut them off for "Jehovah." My first thought when I looked at him was "If he's gay I'll have to shun him."

I like watching him play and listening to him narrate the "scenes" as he calls them. He told me he wants to make a movie one day. I didn't tell him to wait to do it in paradise or caution that he should make something that Jehovah approves of. I asked him what kind of movie, I encouraged him, I told him I'm friends with a filmmaker, and that I would help him if I could.

Life outside of Jehovah's Witnesses is nothing but possibilities. I hope he does make a film -- maybe he'll turn one of my books into a movie.

I was raised to be judgmental, cruel, and to mock people. Recently I took my son for ice cream and there was a large Muslim family getting into a van. My son started at them with the biggest grin. I was afraid he would say something about their dress or speak in an offensive accent -- as I would have done as a child. He looked at me and said, "They have a lot of kids." They did have a lot of kids. I think it was in that moment that I realized he isn't looking for differences or worried about safety. He's innocent and kind.

Breaking generational trauma doesn't just benefit my son. It made me realize that hatred is taught -- therefore it can be unlearned.

I watch him sleep and I imagine he sleeps well knowing he is loved and accepted. I hope he keeps his imagination, pursues his dreams, and finds peace.